All my life, I've been under the impression that coffee already had a flavor. My first taste experience with the hot, black, bitter liquid was a real eye-opener. "Hmm ..." I said after the first sip, "...tastes like chicken!"

No, wait. That wasn't it at all. That was my first taste of chicken. Sorry.

Like most, I couldn't handle the taste of raw coffee. I didn't like it much after it had been boiled either. How could something that smelled so wonderful taste so rotten? Could it be that I related the aroma with growing up safe and secure in angst-ridden Suburbia?

"You get used to the taste," a friend told me.

"It sort of grows on you," said another.

"I'm spooning coffee grounds out of this guy's kidney," said a third as he casually went about his duties of performing the autopsy.

Eventually, with the help of a spoonful each of sugar and low-fat non-dairy creamer, I did get used to the taste. And I vowed to one day wean myself from both unnecessary additives and simply enjoy the taste of java in its original form.

To that end, I bought a bag of roasted beans. For weeks I carried the beans in my right front pocket so they wouldn't be damaged by the car keys in my left front pocket. Twice a day, a coffee bean was my between-meal snack.

As I recall, it was just about the time I began to walk straight, tall and filthy proud of the fact that I had joined the ranks of Those Who Took Their Coffee Black when I wandered into a supermarket and discovered flavored coffees.

There, on the shelf next to the real stuff, were hundreds of selections! Amaretto. French Vanilla. Chocolate. Chicory. Café au Lait. Espresso. Mountain Grown. Colombian. Peruvian. Hawaiian Kona. Decaf. And More!

I dismissed them all as a fad. Besides, they were all instant coffees. No serious coffee drinker would have such a thing in his house. Unless you happen to be female, in which case no serious coffee drinker would have such a thing in her house. Yet somehow, flavored coffees continue to occupy shelf space at supermarkets everywhere.

One day I went to JC Penney's at the mall to return the new suit I had worn to a wedding the previous day. On the way out, I noticed a new store: The Kaw-fee Klatch. They had everything! In real, ground-roast glory! No instant coffees here!

Again, I dismissed it as a fad. But the store is still there, still thriving with all those black-coffee-drinking wannabes.

On yet another day, I was putting gas in my car. It didn't take the entire day - I only have a twenty gallon tank.

When I went inside the Stop'n'GetRippedOff to pay for the go juice, there on the counter were TEN big ol' pots of coffee! Flavored!

So it got me thinking - cosmically, of course: "Okay. It looks like flavored coffees are here to stay. Why hasn't someone invented the obvious?"

So I did it myself. I'm currently waiting for the world to beat a path to my door.

If you or someone you know and love is interested in purchasing Rick's All-Natural Bacon'n'Egg Flavored Coffee, call right now and have your credit card ready!

Or heck, you can make it yourself if you own a blender.