In the early 1970's, after having given birth to four children, my mother, an only child raised as a devout Catholic, went to college and began to discover feminism. She went through many phases of discovery, reading every book she could get her hands on that might lend more insight into a kind of thinking previously unknown to her.

I remember the arguments she used to have with my father about her latest findings and on how modern day religions were actually founded on the belief in the Goddess, and not "God the Father." She was animated and excited at having stumbled on all these new ideas and was eager to challenge the old, outdated modes of thought. The books piled up by her bedside as though she couldn't digest the information fast enough. She turned away from the Catholic Church feeling that it was a chauvinistic institution which had done nothing but stifle her growth as a woman. Although we were very young my mother made sure she told her daughters everything she was discovering, raising us to believe that one day, when we became women, we would have more choices in life, assuming that information is power.

Eventually my mother's reading took a turn that I didn't understand, and which frankly made me wonder if my mother had gone too far. She began to delve into the study of witchcraft.

Witchcraft? To a kid witches are frightening fairy tale creatures that put children into cages, feeding them candy so they get plump and tasty. This is not the image a child wants to have of her mother. I imagined bringing my friends home after school where my mother would be cackling in the kitchen as she churned a stick around in a steaming black cauldron. This was perhaps more information than I really wanted at the age of ten. But it all makes sense now. As my mother studied feminist thought, and began to learn exactly how powerless and limited women are in society, she became frustrated and turned to studying something that gave her a sense of power. Instead of picking up a picket sign and marching on Washington and outwardly fighting a repressive society, my mother turned inward to a spiritual power that has always been associated with women. In a world where women constantly feel vulnerable, threatened, and powerless, witchcraft is a secret, foreboding power that is untouchable in a society that, if it cannot uphold racial and gender equality, will at least uphold the right to free speech.

The feminists of the 1970's also felt an affinity with the witches who were burned and hanged in the 17^th century by the Puritan founders because of a common bond of persecution. While most of the so-called witches that were murdered centuries before were not practicing witches, they became symbolic to the feminist freedom fighters. So because my mother's sense that equality was a frustrating and perhaps unachievable aim, she turned to something that yields power by embracing differences rather than seeking sameness.

I have always been a feminist and have always been confused by my anger at my mother's generation. I feel that, although they laid the ground stone for change, they did my generation of women a great disservice by fighting for the unattainable. I am grateful that I have the right to be educated alongside any man, and I have the right to work in almost any job from doctor to engineer, but I am angry because I was promised everything and that's simply not possible. In demanding more options for women outside of the home, what my mother's generation did not realize is that we don't want one and not the other. When women demanded more options, they forgot that we still want to be wives and mothers; we still want to make our homes beautiful and make "Martha Stewart-esque" crafts; and we still want to nurture and raise our children.

Instead, we work 8-10 hours a day and wonder how we're going to fit all the rest in. The same mothers that fought for their daughters also tried to teach their sons to take on more responsibilities in the home, thus creating some balance in many cases, but overall the bulk of the household work still falls on the woman. It is infinitely frustrating to be promised the world only to find that you have to hang on for dear life.

My mother's thinking was more on track with reality in determining the emancipation of women. I think the frustration she sensed that turned her studies to witchcraft may have stemmed from knowing that there is no such thing as equality. Human nature does not allow for it. That's why we have a class system, wars, racism and wife beaters.

There will always be one group of people that seeks to yield power and superiority over another whether it's through money, fists, or skin color. What I wish my mother had fought for was witchcraft. I wish she had marched on Washington, not asking for an equal rights amendment, but demanding the right to be different and unique. Throughout the ages feminists have always been labeled and mocked to the point where "feminism" and "feminist" have become dirty words to younger generations of women.