Alright then, let's get down with the get down. Do you need Advice on Relationships, Love or Life? If yes, you have come to the right place. Aalize has been offering her Direct, IN YOUR FACE, Wake-Up and Smell the Java, Style of Advice on the internet since 1995. She has been giving the REAL DEAL since the beginning, and has absolutely NO plans to start sugarcoating a damned thing. We update our Advice Column every week.

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Aye Aalize,
I'm in the middle of making a decision on two guys who are very close friends. One of the guys I have already had a very small affair with but unfortunately he's going through a lengthy divorce and desperately wants to reunite with his significant other. On the other hand I am very much attracted to his best friend. I have expressed to him that I would never have anything to do with him physically; I really don't know what to do about this matter.

Signed,
Love Sick

Aalize replies,
I really don't know what your question is. What in the hell are you asking me? If one of the guys DESPERATELY WANTS to reunite with his significant other, your decision is easy.  He wants her, so don't settle for "Sympathy Second." Since one guy is out of the competition due to the process of elimination,  that leaves.... the other guy. If you really must choose, choose him.

Aye Aalize,
I'm from Barbados and I'm studying in the USA. I met a guy at my going away party and we hit it off immediately. I had seen him around before but this is the first time i'd been close enough to talk to him. Anyway in the week before i left, ie, the week after the party we talked on the phone and he visited me at home etc. In short we hooked up.

Anyway I want to know if this long distance thing can work out, he says he loves me but he hasn't emailed me for weeks and he has never called me but i've called him. I've been home once since we hooked up about 4 months ago and every thing was great. He carried me home to met his family and everything but since i've gotten back I haven't heard from him, email or letter. I'm starting to think that he is just using me but it's like using me for what because i am a virgin and i told him i will remain so till marriage and he was like okay i'll wait until WE get married! Anyway is he just talking sweet when i'm with him and wandering off behind my back when i'm not there? What do you think?

Signed,
ms

Aalize replies,
C'mon now, you being a college student and all, I'd think you'd be smarter than that.  Long distance relationships can work out if TWO people are working on them, not just ONE.

Here is one of my famous lines, the words and the actions MUST match. He says he loves you, yet you haven't heard from him in weeks. You can call him, but he can't/won't call you. He doesn't have access to a computer so he can't email you, huh? Well I bet he has access to a less than 1.00 postage stamp, ever thought of that? He loves you, yet he won't spend a few minutes to send you a letter, or even a card. You met his family! How sweet. Doesn't mean a damned thing.

My dear, sweet ms - although you're still a virgin, you've been played. Not for the panties, but for the heart. Aint life a bitch?! Peace.

Aye Aalize,
Aight check it. My boo is a sweet girl. She's a God fearing Catholic girl, still a virgin and all of that but now she's starting to want to get up on some nasty shit. I don't mind it, hell any man who says they do, are lying, but check the scenario. She's 17, about to go to college, of course she wants to drag my ass with her, and I don't mind much, but for real, she stands by the fact that she wants to trust a man fully before she ever gives it up, and for real, I haven't been all that honest with her. The lies I did tell, were better she didn't know anyways, it would have just caused her pain. It ain't like no cheating or nothing, just different reasons why there's some places I can't go. So anyways, I don't know what to do, I mean, for sure I want to hit that, you know, but I want her not to regret it, you know. So give me some 411, you being a female and all, maybe you could help me out with this. Peace, stay real.

Signed,
Divide Overflow

Aalize replies,
Hell yeah you want to hit it! But... how soon after that will you want to "quit it?" She WILL regret it, if you "toss it up" and then "forget" it. You never once mentioned love, or is SEX all you're thinking of?

I say let your "boo" go on with her life, if you REALLY want the NaNa, make her your wife.

Aye Aalize,
Hi, I was wanting to get some romantic ideas that I could do for my aniversary, this will be our 8th and I want to do something fun for him please help. I want my husband to be excited with the things that I will have in store for him.

Signed,
Searching for answers

Aalize replies,
Your 8th anniversary! Wow, go girl! I cooked up a lil sumtin, sumtin... here goes:   Rent a stretch limousine with 8 doors. Have the driver arrive at 8:00 p.m. sharp. Have dinner at a fancy restaurant, be certain to be seated at table 8, and have 8 roses on the table in a vase. After dinner, have reservations for a pool suite on the 8th floor. Blindfold your husband and light 8 candles around the tub.  After the bath, lie your naked husband on the bed on his back.

Proceed to take 8 pennies and place them strategically on his left and right palm, left and right thigh, left and right knee and left and right ankle.

Now, it's time for you to get creative! Caress your man, (yes, there) and dare him to NOT let a penny fall! After all of the pennies fall, (and fall they will) go ahead and get your groove on, Mrs. Girl!

Aye Aalize,
I happen to like this girl at school. The thing is I dont really know her and she doesnt know me at all. I wrote her a email and told her who I was and that I would like to get to know her,  then if things worked out maybe we could go out. Well she read it and I guess she read it wrong, because she said no she wouldnt go out with me because she does not know me and something about she is busy.

I didnt hear that from her, I heared it from one of my friends that is a close friend of hers. All I want to do is get to know her before I think about asking her out but it seems that she doesnt want to do that either. I am able to handle a girlfriend who has a busy schedule. What should I do? I really like this girl.

Signed,
Lonely

Aalize replies,
When you want the truth, go to the source. "A friend of a Friend said...."
Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. Introduce yourself to the young lady and take it from there. The two of you may have things in common, which may lead to a friendship. Friendships oftentimes lead to relationships.

Don't join the "I wonder what would have happened if..." club. Go for it!

Aye Aalize,
My boyfriend and I broke up not to long ago. Just a few moments ago we had a long conversation on why he broke with me. He said it was because I act stupid or say stupid things, and  that we talk about the same things all the time. What type of things should I say to him without asking a question or saying something he's already heard before?

Signed,
Dee Dee

Aalize replies,
You should say "See Ya!"  Dee Dee, you should never have to "plan" what you're going to say to anyone, especially your so-called boyfriend.  Conversations are two way streets, and he is/was responsible for contributing to them also.  People break up with you because they do.  Don't try to get him to tell you the REAL REASON he broke up with you, because regardless of his answer, you won't be satisfied.

Aye Aalize,
My girlfriend and I have been going out for a couple of months and we both agreed that we would stay virgins. Well, it hasn't stopped us from fooling around. The furthest we've gotten is taking off everything but underwear and laying on top of one another just kissing. Well, one day  accidentally ejaculated because we were rubbing against one another. I had my boxers on and she had her pants on.  What's gotten me worried is that she missed her period last month.

I seriously don't think I could have impregnated her because, I mean, she had pants on.  If I soaked her pants, she would have known. BUt also, one day we both had only underwear on but I didn't ejaculate. There is no way I could have impregnated her in these two scenarios right? She says that missing periods is a normal thing, and I'm sure there could have been no way I> impregnated her through her clothes when I only ejaculated once. But I am a very paranoid person so I just need some assurance. Please help if you can. Thank you very much.

Signed,
Worried

Aalize replies,
I checked with Planned Parenthood, and here is the information I received for you: The odds of you impregnating her in either case scenario are a million to one. Keep in mind, you case may be the "one." Allegedly, Suzanne Somers became pregnant that way! I suggest that your girlfriend have a pregnacy test (just in case) and going forward the two of you discuss your wearing a condom during your "dry humping" sessions.

Aye Aalize,
My ex and daughter's father is living with me. After he did some really disrespectful s**t, I said 'we' were over but he could stay as long as he was getting the kind of help he needs and stays sober. Well, one of the two is happening but, he goes into these fits of insanity and causes a big commotion over nothing. It doesn't happen daily, but I'm just about sick of it and him. The thing is I know he is in a bad way and space. BUT he's 44 and I think he should just growup.

My question is: Do I continue to let him stay (he's paying his own way) until he gets full time employment (and he's viligently looking) like we agreed or should I tell him to go take care of his problems elsewhere. I want to take the high road and do all I can to help my child's father get healthy. No, I am not looking for a reason to keep him in my life. We haven't slept together since I told him it was over.

Signed,
Trying to do what's best

Aalize replies,
Agreements are not etched in stone,  and this one needs to be broken. He's going into fits, causing commotion and making you SICK. Focus on doing all you can for your CHILD and yourself.  There comes a time when one MUST do for self. His time has come, and he must go.

Aye Aalize,
I would like to know what I can do about the relationship that I'm in now. At this point we are just friends, and that's fine for now. I really like this guy and he seems to like me, too. It's just that he has been deeply hurt in a relationship and says that he doesn't have any desire to get into a seroius relationship any time soon. My concern is that even if he develops some feeling for me, he might supress them and not follow through with them. How do I handle this situation? HELP!!!

Signed,
Patient but waiting

Aalize replies,
What part of, "says that he doesn't have ANY desire to get into a serious relationship ANY time soon" isn't clear to you? Huh? Accept this relationship for what it is currently, a friendship.

Aye Aalize,
I went out with this man, but we broke up a few months ago. Now he has a new girlfriend, but I want him back. I just saw him the other day and I heavily flirted with him. He knows that I still like him and everything, but what should I do? If you could post help soon i would appreciate it because time is desperately running out!

Signed,
Joan

Aalize replies,
What you should do is get a life. Now hear this: HE HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND!! I repeat: HE HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND!! Stop wasting your time wanting someone who just doesn't want you.

Aye Aalize,
I spoke to you before about my lost love and you gave some good advice. But know my lost love and I are speaking and I asked if I could come visit, he says yes. But one day I called his house and his still mentaling sister says he doesn't sleep here and get over him. If he told me to come who should I listen to?

Signed,
Confused & deeply in Love

Aalize replies,
Listen to your heart. I can understand that you love this man, but if he doesn't love you back you simply must forget about him. I asked. I called. I Love. I, I, I. How one-sided. If a man wants you, is interested in you or Loves you, you will KNOW it. As I said before, let him initiate some things, if he doesn't move on.
*Damn I hate it when they Just DON'T get it!

Aye Aalize,
Ummm Right now I am going out with this girl. Things were going great when she was away at school and then came home on the weekends, but when she was finished school and was now home all the time the spark is not there anymore. For about the past week I have been thinking about ending it. I came to a solution that I am going to end it becasuse I want to move on. My problem is I don't know how to tell her that its over. What do I do??????????

Signed,
Gennuine

Aalize replies,
Tell her that it's over because you want to move on. Duh?!

Aye Aalize,
There's a guy I've been friends with for a couple of years now. We've french kissed, and we've had sex once around 18 months ago. Lately (few weeks ago), I saw him at a club, & he did the following: *Gave me a great big hug when we said hello *Smiled at me a lot *Gave my butt a nice big squeeze! *Asks me where I go out, tells me which clubs to check out (and I KNOW he goes to these places!) *Kissed my lips, instead of cheek when we said bye.

The only problem is that I gave him my number (I had his, but its been changed & he didn't give me his new one!) & he hasn't called me! Does he like me or not, and what do I do now?!

Signed,
V.S.

Aalize replies,
If he didn't give you his new number, he doesn't want you to have it. If he hasn't called you, he doesn't want to call you. Stop reading so much into something that is obviously nothing. Does he like you or not? Hmmmm let's see. If a guy likes you, he will call.

Aye Aalize,
He and my girl friend were really really close, but lately here it seems we can not find anything to talk about over the phone. At first we could but now it seems like no matter what it always lead to talking about how much we want each other, but thats all it ever leads to. So I was wondering if you could give any advice on our talking problem.

Signed,
Cyclaw

Aalize replies,
Whevever we're not close to one another, I just want you so bad! (Prince, Do Me Baby) Yo Cyclaw, seems like a classic case of "We talk on the phone too damned much syndrome." Take a chill one regarding the telephone for a while. I mean, after you've talked about everything, it's hard to find something to talk about.

Plus, get off the phone and get out together! Take in a movie, play, museum, poetry reading, lecture or even take a class together. After either of the above, I'm sure you'll have some new things to talk about!

Aye Aalize,
I am planning on asking a girl out this week and I am not sure what to say. I like her and she likes me, but I am not sure how to ask her out. Can you please help?

Signed,
Unsure

Aalize replies,
Not sure how to ask her out? C'mon now. You like her, she likes you... this is an easy one. Like Nike, Just Do It.

Aye Aalize,
There's this really hot guy at my school and he has this ex-girlfriend (after 1 year) that is extremely obsessive and won't leave him alone which makes it hard for me to make the move. He told me how he feels about me and let's just say he definetly has feelings for me. HE wants to totally get over her but it makes it really hard for him because she always has to know exactly what he is doing every second of his life practically. HELP!!:( what can we do to get her to back off so we can get on with our lives?

Signed,
Jesse

Aalize replies,
WE, can't do anything. HE has to be the one to tell his so called ex-girlfriend to back off. She may think she has to know exactly what is going on with him, but he does NOT have to tell her. If he tells her, he must want her to know. He may not want her to leave him alone. Think about it, 1 year is a long time.

Seems to me that boyfriend is having his cake, and eating it too. Somebody seriously needs to get on with their life, and it aint "WE."